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the cost of comparison

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I didn’t know my habit of comparing myself to someone else would get this bad. I somehow liked fueling my ego, and I only realized that it really stems from my insecurity and the lack of compassion for myself. Whenever I strive for high grades, whenever I want to do better, I end up measuring my success by comparing my progress to someone else’s. I’ve come to see that it was a very serious insecurity I have, and something I need to work on. It affected my self-esteem, my productivity, my decisions, and just my daily life. Comparison is really a thief of joy. I want to be the highest, the greatest in almost everything, and it sucks me to the core when I feel like I’m just mediocre. It hurts me. I get insecure a lot. I didn’t ask for this, but why do I think this way all the time? I’m truly working on it, but why can’t this feeling go away? It sucks to have low self-esteem. It sucks to keep comparing myself. I hate this misery. I just want to be content and happy with myself. I’ve been...
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coming back after a year without journaling

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Journaling wasn't really easy to incorporate into my daily routine. I know it only takes 5 minutes of my time—sometimes more, sometimes less—but it just never felt like a priority. To me, it felt more like a chore rather than something I would do naturally. So, I stopped journaling. At first, dropping it from my routine didn’t feel like a big deal. But a year later, I felt this deep need to write again—to vent, lay out my thoughts, release what I’ve been holding inside. It never crossed my mind just how important journaling was for me. During those days when I was journaling, I unknowingly felt better. My second year of college has been one hell of a rollercoaster—words can't even begin to describe everything I’ve been through. The lessons that struck me, the reality checks that hit like slaps across my face, the joy from even the smallest of achievements. It’s been a whirlwind, and the year isn’t even over yet. The new friendships I’ve formed along the way, the heartbreaks, th...
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First event as a president!! SPP

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This week goes hard. Not the hard like cool shit but literally hard--difficult. All of us thought that we were more than prepared for this event. We planned this for two months and spared a great amount of time in summer just to do weekly meetings and make sure we won't fuck up SPP, our very first event. What was heartbreaking was that everyone thought we were unprepared and we didn't effort on this, but what really occurred was not what we expected. Our expectations and preparations didn't turn into reality like supposedly everything was settled down and all since we were so prepared but it is not what we want to happen. So many sudden changes happened, and even the process sheet was not followed at all, only a little bit of that has actually happened. But anyway, a lot of problems arise. There has been a grudge and tension between the staff and student council. Within the span of 3 days, I got very tired, stressed, and depressed I got home late that's why I didn't...
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its my birthday!!

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Writing this tonight while having a countdown of my birthday on my bed lol. YAY HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! MY LAST TEEN YEARRR FOR THE ENTIRE DAAYY, I ENJOYED MY BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!! I wore my 50 pesos ukay dress and it looked so good to me, pairing it with my white semi-heels. We went out early to enroll in SISFU then we went straight to ayala malls manila bay to eat lunch! We were finding a good deal among the restaurants/buffets we were interested in and constantly asking for birthday promo but most of them didn't meet the requirements (such as 4+1, 5+1 stuff). It made me hurt my legs because I was wearing heels and the restaurants were from one end to another, knowing ayala malls is very wide. Food club was our first choice but we were surprised that there was a large crowd again, which is not really appetizing to dine since there will be a constant line up and siksikan in the buffet area, just like what happened on Dad's bday. A good buffet, but it wouldn't be enjo...
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4th week of july!

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 A long time has passed since my last post. There have been a lot of episodes this July and not to mention, this month flies so fast. It's almost the last week. After my driving school, I felt really sick due to overfatigue or another factor I got infected by the cough virus by the person sitting at my back during the classroom session. I felt really ill and off the entire week and I didn't even have the energy to play DBD cause it's tiring. What I did to be productive and spend my time was to draw the rest of the BINI members. This is just what I did for a week and so.  I'm really proud of my drawings given that I was very ill at that time. Continuous cough and cold, but gladly I don't have a fever. I love how everything turned out, it's yet for me to realize that my portraits are pretty for a beginner level. I also just started practicing the whole summer. I also got my student permit in LTO ATC and yay I can officially drive with a supervisor on my side. I re...
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3rd week of July

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 A lot of good things have happened this July. I'm very thankful and blessed.  First, Gab bought me the Steam version of DBD so that I could merge/transfer my progress from Epic Games to my own account in Steam. After a long time of solving errors, I was finally able to merge it on my Steam account. I was so nervous I would lose my progress but thankfully I did not. Now, I can play DBD on my own Steam account yay! Btw, I also submitted a ticket to the BHVR team, and it was very nice that they responded promptly.  I drew Mikha from BINI! I love how it turned out and I thought I would need help to draw her well since I'm kinda having a hard time with head tilts. But now, my drawing looks great! It's my brother's birthday! He is already 24 and we had a mini celebration here in our house with pizza and cake. I love ittt yummy yummy.  Last but not the least. I was able to enroll in driving school, same as with my brothers, for a theoretical driving course! It was a 2-day ...
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life updates after a long week

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 Hi guys! Today is a rainy day and it's a good time to journal. For the past week, I wasn't able to journal because I suddenly realized that journaling doesn't do much for me. In fact, it might be just like a diary to me that I will never read back again. But you know, I also realized that it is a little time for me to reflect. The good things that happened, the disappointing ones, and the depressing ones. I came to realize that journaling gives me peace. It's a self-reflection on how I feel about things and experiences. Going back to my previous week, a lot had happened.  Last Tuesday, I drew ariana! It turned out well. I keep nitpicking the jaws of my portraits, it really seems off no matter how much I redraw it, just like this one. But it's part of the process, What matters is that I'm learning continuously <3 Then on the next day, mama and papa filed a leave to assist anton on getting his license, but they forgot the requirement at home so we didn't r...
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