Amanda goes beyond

I didn’t know my habit of comparing myself to someone else would get this bad. I somehow liked fueling my ego, and I only realized that it really stems from my insecurity and the lack of compassion for myself. Whenever I strive for high grades, whenever I want to do better, I end up measuring my success by comparing my progress to someone else’s. I’ve come to see that it was a very serious insecurity I have, and something I need to work on. It affected my self-esteem, my productivity, my decisions, and just my daily life. Comparison is really a thief of joy. I want to be the highest, the greatest in almost everything, and it sucks me to the core when I feel like I’m just mediocre. It hurts me. I get insecure a lot. I didn’t ask for this, but why do I think this way all the time? I’m truly working on it, but why can’t this feeling go away? It sucks to have low self-esteem. It sucks to keep comparing myself. I hate this misery. I just want to be content and happy with myself. I’ve been...

Journaling wasn't really easy to incorporate into my daily routine. I know it only takes 5 minutes of my time—sometimes more, sometimes less—but it just never felt like a priority. To me, it felt more like a chore rather than something I would do naturally. So, I stopped journaling. At first, dropping it from my routine didn’t feel like a big deal. But a year later, I felt this deep need to write again—to vent, lay out my thoughts, release what I’ve been holding inside. It never crossed my mind just how important journaling was for me. During those days when I was journaling, I unknowingly felt better. My second year of college has been one hell of a rollercoaster—words can't even begin to describe everything I’ve been through. The lessons that struck me, the reality checks that hit like slaps across my face, the joy from even the smallest of achievements. It’s been a whirlwind, and the year isn’t even over yet. The new friendships I’ve formed along the way, the heartbreaks, th...

This week goes hard. Not the hard like cool shit but literally hard--difficult. All of us thought that we were more than prepared for this event. We planned this for two months and spared a great amount of time in summer just to do weekly meetings and make sure we won't fuck up SPP, our very first event. What was heartbreaking was that everyone thought we were unprepared and we didn't effort on this, but what really occurred was not what we expected. Our expectations and preparations didn't turn into reality like supposedly everything was settled down and all since we were so prepared but it is not what we want to happen. So many sudden changes happened, and even the process sheet was not followed at all, only a little bit of that has actually happened. But anyway, a lot of problems arise. There has been a grudge and tension between the staff and student council. Within the span of 3 days, I got very tired, stressed, and depressed I got home late that's why I didn't...

Writing this tonight while having a countdown of my birthday on my bed lol. YAY HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! MY LAST TEEN YEARRR FOR THE ENTIRE DAAYY, I ENJOYED MY BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!! I wore my 50 pesos ukay dress and it looked so good to me, pairing it with my white semi-heels. We went out early to enroll in SISFU then we went straight to ayala malls manila bay to eat lunch! We were finding a good deal among the restaurants/buffets we were interested in and constantly asking for birthday promo but most of them didn't meet the requirements (such as 4+1, 5+1 stuff). It made me hurt my legs because I was wearing heels and the restaurants were from one end to another, knowing ayala malls is very wide. Food club was our first choice but we were surprised that there was a large crowd again, which is not really appetizing to dine since there will be a constant line up and siksikan in the buffet area, just like what happened on Dad's bday. A good buffet, but it wouldn't be enjo...

 A long time has passed since my last post. There have been a lot of episodes this July and not to mention, this month flies so fast. It's almost the last week. After my driving school, I felt really sick due to overfatigue or another factor I got infected by the cough virus by the person sitting at my back during the classroom session. I felt really ill and off the entire week and I didn't even have the energy to play DBD cause it's tiring. What I did to be productive and spend my time was to draw the rest of the BINI members. This is just what I did for a week and so.  I'm really proud of my drawings given that I was very ill at that time. Continuous cough and cold, but gladly I don't have a fever. I love how everything turned out, it's yet for me to realize that my portraits are pretty for a beginner level. I also just started practicing the whole summer. I also got my student permit in LTO ATC and yay I can officially drive with a supervisor on my side. I re...

 A lot of good things have happened this July. I'm very thankful and blessed.  First, Gab bought me the Steam version of DBD so that I could merge/transfer my progress from Epic Games to my own account in Steam. After a long time of solving errors, I was finally able to merge it on my Steam account. I was so nervous I would lose my progress but thankfully I did not. Now, I can play DBD on my own Steam account yay! Btw, I also submitted a ticket to the BHVR team, and it was very nice that they responded promptly.  I drew Mikha from BINI! I love how it turned out and I thought I would need help to draw her well since I'm kinda having a hard time with head tilts. But now, my drawing looks great! It's my brother's birthday! He is already 24 and we had a mini celebration here in our house with pizza and cake. I love ittt yummy yummy.  Last but not the least. I was able to enroll in driving school, same as with my brothers, for a theoretical driving course! It was a 2-day ...

 Hi guys! Today is a rainy day and it's a good time to journal. For the past week, I wasn't able to journal because I suddenly realized that journaling doesn't do much for me. In fact, it might be just like a diary to me that I will never read back again. But you know, I also realized that it is a little time for me to reflect. The good things that happened, the disappointing ones, and the depressing ones. I came to realize that journaling gives me peace. It's a self-reflection on how I feel about things and experiences. Going back to my previous week, a lot had happened.  Last Tuesday, I drew ariana! It turned out well. I keep nitpicking the jaws of my portraits, it really seems off no matter how much I redraw it, just like this one. But it's part of the process, What matters is that I'm learning continuously <3 Then on the next day, mama and papa filed a leave to assist anton on getting his license, but they forgot the requirement at home so we didn't r...

For the past few days, I felt bad that I couldn't give time to journal, so today I'm giving u an update. Last Thursday, I watched Inside Out 1 and was also busy due to SC meetings and habits. Most importantly, I've read a data analytics book and continue reading the Morisaki bookshop.  The next day, I drew a couple picture, a portrait, of me and gab as a gift which I gave to him as a gift! He loved it. I was busy packing and creating his gifts so I wasn't able to do some of my habits like I only doing half of my workout and I wasn't able to read the statistics book, also the fact that I woke up late ://. Besides the portrait, I also wrote him a letter with a kiss stain at the end (using my lip gloss). I also gave him a set of snacks like nutella dip, candies, and gummies which he would really like.  On the bright side, today, Saturday was the best date ever! Although, I freaking got my period exactly this morning. Anyway, we watched Inside Out 2, and the movie was d...

I love how this drawing of lana del rey turned out! Although it was a little difficult at first getting the face shape right, I still managed to draw her well. I'm very thankful that I'm seeing improvements on my drawing skills! I also have been productive yesterday:  ✅Journal ✅Drawing ✅Read Data Science  ✅Read Morisaki ✅Exercise

I love how my drawings turned out! I just have a really frustrating struggle I'm facing right now with my portraits. Head tilts! I couldn't get it right and it always doesn't look like what I wanted it to look like. So yeah, I get so tired of every drawing I make. It takes a lot of brain power and work with my hands and eyes, not to mention my posture lol. Anyway, looking back at my old drawings, I can say I'm improving naman sa drawing, thankfully! I also found a new book to read called The Days at Morisaki Bookshop. I love books that are set in Japan. I'm loving it right now. Today, I also had a meeting with SC, WITHOUT MS LORNA Again huhu. Tasks could've been done if she was in our meetings huhu. But yeah never mind that, I trust Ms. that she will be productive and helpful for the whole year. I've been productive today! ✅Journal ✅Exercise ✅Read ✅Draw (2 times)

I'm happy I was able to do my habits such as exercise, journaling, practicing data science, and reading. I love the book I'm currently reading, it hooks me to read each hour. To be honest, I was focused playing DBD since there's an event and I'm earning up blood points as much lol.  However, sadness struck in the middle of the night. For no reason, I had a very small argument with my boyfriend, nothing to be serious about for a long time. But something struck me, that led me to breaking down all of a sudden. I felt so sad. I'm not sure why. It just made me cry. 

 I wasn't able to blog yesterday because I was so hooked and grinding on DBD lately because of the event. But yesterday I was able to exercise! Still good. Today I was busy with student council stuff, but during that time I was able to read a few pages of a data science book, just the first topics. So yeah that was good. I also found a dedicated book for Data Analysts so I might as well read that. Today is my rest day for a workout. I also watched watercolor painting vids to keep me inspired and in awe with how beautiful watercolor is in portraits. I would want to try it soon! I did my habits today! ✅Read + Practice Data Science ✅Journal ✅Exercise ✅Watch watercolor painting. 

So Ms. Lorna asked me if I could move the meeting to today at 8PM instead of tomorrow since she can't attend tomorrow. BUT GUESS WHAT SHE WASN'T ABLE TO ATTEND TODAY AS WELL NO WAY. I feel like she fell asleep or she forgot there was a meeting LOL. But yeah, with that, I'm the only one who will lead the meeting then. I was nervous already before the meeting BUT IT MADE ME MORE NERVOUS when I knew Ms. Lorna isn't gonna be there LOL. I don't know where to start but what matters is that I get to finish it and I did a good job YAY!! They were fun to talk to and it made me more comfortable with them since they were closer with each other!! BUT YEAH THE MEETING WAS SUCCESSFUL ALTHOUGH I could've progressed with the project proposal if Ms. Lorna had been there. BUT ANYWAY IT ALL WENT WELL AND I FELT RELIEF AFTER THE MEETING HEHE. I was able to assign tasks to them so it's good hehe!!                     Other than SC stuff, I was able to draw t...

To catch up on my drawing session, I drew yesterday a portrait and I actually enjoyed it! The right one took me the longest because of perfecting the nose and making sure the features were balanced as well as the proportions. I feel like I'm slowly improving my drawings. I'm very proud of it. Yesterday was also Father's day! And we decided to eat in NOMO to celebrate the occasion. It was a very simple lunch and celebration, nothing special but what matters is we greeted papa hehe. Last Saturday, we slept at Kuya's house and I couldn't sleep because the bed was a bit hard, and hurt my arms when I slept on the side. I enjoyed being there since it was peaceful, I had my own room, and I could do a morning walk. Although Anton kept stealing my laptop for the past few days. Oh well!  Today, I finished the Data Science course I've been previously watching. It was a great course if you just wanna see the application of Machine learning and data analysis on Python to Jup...

 Since yesterday I have been busy with SC stuff and it's also a holiday so I got less productive since my parents are here. I couldn't practice drawing yesterday and I'm busy from today until tomorrow, I'll be busy because of student council planning, especially on recruiting officers and planning events. I got home really late today so I'm really tired and I just wanna ease up and chill. Me and Ash talked again! It's so nice to be able to hear from her again after a long time. I'm planning to download Valorant so I can play with her. Oh well, I plan to catch up as well to my habits. I just need a lot of rest. 

I continued the Udemy course about data science in Python including Machine Learning concepts. I learned to apply classification, random forest, and KNN in my dataset. The code was complicated and I'm often unsure of each block's function. Most of the concepts learned today are machine learning. I enjoyed playing DBD with gabbi, his kuya, and ethan. It was my first time playing this game with them. I'm thankful it all went well. And btw, I slept really long for a nap. Idk why I got used to sleeping in the afternoon, that is not so me.  Anyway, I've been productive today: ✅Read ✅Journal ✅Code ✅Exercise

Today, I'm practicing how to draw eyes. I planned to learn each facial feature per session and apply it in my portraits. I hope it will be an effective method. I loved how my portrait turned out and I think I kinda gettin' how drawing eyes work. It's simple but there are a lot of details to keep in mind such as the symmetry of the eyes, the tilt, and the different eye shapes. I don't know how my portrait turned out to be pretty. At first, I was unsure and doubtful that it would look good cause the head of my reference photo was tilted a little bit, so I might struggle to draw the facial features and the facial symmetry of the face shape. Some of the guidelines are invented by me lol. So yeah, I enjoyed this session learning about eyes and applying it to my portrait.  Most of my day, I enjoyed being on my new laptop. There's no freaking lag on my games! I downloaded DBD and Zomboid and played with Gabbi. It was fun but the games were hard. So yeah, I'm forever gr...

This is such an exciting day! From the beginning until the end, I've been very excited about purchasing a new laptop. We went to the official Acer store and service center in the Festival Mall. We ate lunch there first, and the dishes were similar to those in a karinderya, definitely worth it since my stomach was really full, plus it was shrimp! After that, it was on top of my mind that we would purchase the Acer Swift as my recommendation based on kuya's desired specs. But it changed once we got to the store; it was recommended that we look into the Nitro series instead if my needs were mainly for gaming and also capable of handling the school workload. I couldn't believe the model they had chosen! IT WAS THE FREAKING LATEST MODEL! The salesperson said that the model was only released on April 17, 2024, like, no, I couldn't believe it. It's so recent! We were utterly shocked. Most of the time when we buy a laptop or anyone would, the model is usually released a yea...

Today is Saturday and it is planned that we will look for the best laptop that will accommodate my needs in college as well as for long-term use and longevity. I did a lot of research the night before and my boyfriend helped me to do so. We went to ATC first for a medical checkup. We waited for so long, it took us about over 3 hours and we got really tired of waiting, my dad was irritated with it because they were fasting. After that, we ate our lunch in KFC and proceeded to SM to look at and canvas prices of laptops. We compared the specs and consulted with the salesmen person in the store. Our price range is in the middle, around 40-60k max. I sent the picture to my brother of the potential laptops as well as their corresponding specs and prices and asked his opinion about it. We suggested that we can go with this 57k laptop but then he surprisingly suggested we should go with the 89k laptop. We were so shocked and then he sent us money to at least pay a quarter for it. I was kinda o...

Young Sheldon is just entertaining, I'm worried I might get distracted a lot binge-watching this series, that's why I need to be aware and control it lol, especially when the classes start. After a rest day, I did a more challenging workout which is a hip workout. I got so tired that it made me take more than a 2 hours nap. For that reason, I slept late which is around 2 AM and I hate it!! Cause my sleep schedule got ruined again when in fact it was stable lately! Around the time I couldn't sleep, I searched for an easy-to-read book since I was bored and I wanted to fall asleep. It was recommended to read Mieko and the Fifth Treasures, which I gave a try. I think it is a good book! I'm not halfway but I really like books that are set in Japan. Interestingly, the main character paints calligraphy. I know I'm not really fond of calligraphy, but anything that is related to art or painting is intriguing.  Anyway, I have also been productive by: ✅Journaling ✅Reading ✅Exe...